בעזרת ה' יתברך-יום ב' פ' בא, ראש חודש שבט, שנת תשע"ט
I received the two letters you sent me.
Your salvation lies in your own hands; there is a way for you to extricate yourself from your painful situation, but you must first surrender yourself entirely to Hashem.
Hashem gave you such a wonderful life, you have a dear husband who is ehrlich, and has yiras shomayim. He learns and is blessed with good middos; you have beautiful children; why don’t you take notice of the many blessings Hashem grants you? Why are you constantly thinking of a dark future, illnesses, confusion, and death? This drives you to baseless fears, until your life comes to a stop.
The reality is, your redemption depends only in yourself. Revise the following frequently, ‘nothing can happen to me, without Hashem’s consent. I’m alive, only because Hashem granted me life to exist, and every breath I take, comes from Hashem. Everything I possess is only from Hashem.’
The more you reinforce your faith in Hashem, the sweeter and easier your life will be. Every time a frightening, or negative thought enters your mind, don’t push it away – that will just intensify your fear, instead, verbalize it, and share your angst with Hashem.
You write, that since your ……a”h passed away, you live with a dread that you might also contract the same sickness and die, Hashem Yerachem. Whenever such a thought enters your mind, instead of panicking, say to Hashem “Hashem protect me and help me, I shouldn’t develop any illnesses.” Instead of suppressing the thought, direct it as a tefilla to Hashem. As the Rebbe teaches (Likutei Maharan, chelek 1, siman 72) The more one tries to banish negative thoughts, the stronger they become. As soon as one has a bad מחשבה, he should immediately transform it into a tefilla.
I am sending you a tefilla to say every day; instead of waking your husband up at night, when all he can do is cry along with you; say this tefilla, and iy”h you will have a complete recovery.
“Hashem, help me be happy; help me not become influenced by my frightening thoughts which give me no peace. My strength is ebbing; I cannot concentrate on anything, and have no energy to my husband and children. My negative thoughts have taken me captive.
Hashem, you are the one that grants wisdom and understanding; help me conquer the yetzer hora, who has taken my mind hostage; I should start seeing the blessings in my life.
יודע מחשבות הושיעה נא! Help me dear father, I should be healthy physically, emotionally, and mentally; I should be able to think logically, and realize there is no one besides you, who controls what happens to me.
Hashem help me merit the brocha from the holy Torah (Devarim 7, 15) "והסיר ה' ממך כל חלי"; Hashem will remove every ailment from you; Chazal explain (Yerushalmi Shabbos 14, 3) 'זה רעיון', this means mental suffering. As R’ Eliezer says regarding this pasuk: (Devarim 28, 48) When one has דמיונות or bad thoughts, it is as if there is a steel yoke around his neck, choking him. Thus, I beg you dear father, remove the- עול ברזל the steel yoke from me, and make my fears and imaginations disappear. Help me in the merit of the tzaddikim who were Moser Nefesh themselves for you; in the Zchus of R’ Shimon Bar Yochai; in the Zchus of R’ Yitzchok Luria Ashkenazi; in the Zchus of R’ Yisroel Baal Shem Tov; in the Zchus of R’ Nachman M’Breslev; in the Zchus of R’ Nosson M’Breslev, and in the Zchus of Rabeinu Eliezer Shlomo M’Breslev. יהיו לרצון אמרי פי והגיון לבי לפניך ה' צורי וגואלי, אמן כן יהי רצון.
I beg you; every time the negativity seeps into your thoughts, say this tefilla slowly, with concentration, and it will eliminate your illogical fears.