Letters from the Rosh Yeshiva Shlit"a

Shidduch, Bochur

בעזרת ה' יתברך-יום א' פרשת תרומה, כ"ח שבט, שנת תשע"ט

Dear…., Talmid in Yeshiva Tiferes Hatorah

You made the right decision by not joining your friends and going away for Shabbos to a place where there is no Minyan; this demonstrates that you have Yiras Shomayim. It astonishes me that Chassidishe Bochurim would do such a thing – go away for Shabbos to a place without a Minyan or a Mikve, it is a display of קלות ראש.

Remain strong with your good deeds; continue Davening Shachris, Mincha, Maariv with Minyan, and carry on with your daily shiurim. Learn some Chumash and Rashi with the Targum every day, and Chai Perakim Mishnayos; the עיקר is you should learn a lot of Gemara, because through doing so you will merit to be protected from all harm.

Don’t worry about your Shidduch; you will soon find your true Zivug. Recite the קרבנות הנשיאים every day, as the Rebbe says (Sefer Hamiddos, Ois Chutan): “Whoever wants to find his Zivug, should say the קרבנות הנשיאים”. Say the following Tefilla that Maharosh wrote specifically for Bochurim and girls to merit to find their Shidduch, originally from the Sefer ‘Your Shidduch will arrive’.

“Reboinoi Shel Oilom, help me merit to find a good Shidduch, I should be Zoche to get married already, and not have to wait any longer for my Shidduch to arrive.

Hashem, I know there are times when I did not behave as I was supposed to, and I wasn’t always so righteous and Ehrlich. However, I beg you Hashem, disregard my Aveiros and don’t withhold my Shidduch because of them. Forgive me for everything I have done, and save me from any more sins by granting me my Shidduch I should be able to be Ehrlich.

What should I do? Reboinoi Shel Oilam, I am ready to get married tonight! What can I do that I haven’t found the right one yet? I’m waiting and waiting, and Davening for so long now, but nothing has yet come to fruition.

Chazal say that when one gets married after the age of twenty, he is doomed to think of Aveiros all his life, and you say regarding such a person that his bones shall disintegrate. Hashem! Why must I receive such a harsh punishment, that for the rest of my life I should have unholy thoughts, and my bones will disintegrate? Why am I at fault? Why do I deserve this? Is the terrible pain that I haven’t found my Shidduch yet, not enough?

Hashem, help me I should continue having patience, and not despair until my Shidduch arrives. Help me not question your ways, and I should strongly believe that everything you do is לטובה, and everything that happens on this world is accounted for.

Hashem, you are the only one who can truly understand what I am going through! Only you can feel the humiliation and embarrassment I suffer, that all my friends are married already and I remain all alone. Help me, that the shame should be a Kaparah for my Aveiros, and I shouldn’t have to go through this anymore, I should be Zoche to get married very soon.

I genuinely believe Hashem that you will not forsake me, and I will eventually merit to get married. Therefore, I beg you, when I do get married there should only be harmony and happiness in my home; we should never argue or fight Chas Vesholom, and there should only be אהבה אחוה שלום ורעות between us. We should love each other, and merit a happy marriage; we should never need to divorce Chas Vesholom.

Hashem, help me I should always be a ותרן, I should be able to concede and not argue over pettiness. Help me that I always be able to assist and support my wife. Help us establish a happy home together, there should always be a pleasant atmosphere in our home. I should merit healthy and Ehrliche children, and be able to raise them and see Nachas from them. My home should be a place of Chesed, I should merit to invite guests and give Tzedakah to the needy.

Hashem, please accept my Tefilla and help me already in the Zchus of all the Tzaddikim, and especially in the Zchus of Rebeinu Eliezer Shlomo Ben Menachem Zev, זכותו יגן עלינו, who made this Tefilla, אמן כן יהי רצון.”

May Hashem help you succeed in all your endeavors.