בעזרת ה' יתברך-יום ד' פ' שמות, י"ח טבת, שנת תשעט
Stay strong, and continue focusing on being happy, solely with the fact that you were created a yid.
Simcha is the most important aspect in avodas Hashem; when a person is happy, and serves Hashem with simcha, he merits divine protection, which also saves him from פגם הברית. As it states in tehillim (104, 34-35) “אנכי אשמח בה', יתמו חטאים מן הארץ, ורשעים עוד אינם” through rejoicing with Hashem, then: “יתמו חטאים מן הארץ” there is no more sin. (Likutei Maharan chelek 1, siman 169)
If you say mishnayos you will acquire a pure mind; try not to be influenced by your conflicted thoughts, just continue learning and saying tehillim. The first letters of tehillim and mishnayos spell מ"ת, indicating that these two cleanses a person from the impurity of the dead; likewise, mishnayos and tehillim revive a person from his dead, emotionless state, and infuse him with new life to continue achieving.
Nonetheless, you cannot merit this, only if one has the middah of תמימות – simplicity (to believe without asking questions); the last letters of tehillim and mishnayos spell ת"ם – we must listen to what tzaddikim advise us without skepticism.
You did the right thing by throwing away the number someone gave you, which would have led you to aveiros rachmana litzlon, in this merit you will find an ehrliche zivug. Don’t despair, in no time you will find your shidduch.