בעזרת השם יתברך פ' ויחי, צום עשרה בטבת, שנת תשע"ט
I received your letter.
Maharosh would say "every question is another קליפה. "Tzadikim would say ( tehillim 79, 10) "למה יאמרו הגוים", a goy says "למה"-why? And a yid says " I believe everything Hashem does, is accounted for".
Our duty is to do everything Hashem asks us to, without questions and without reasons. Hashem commands us to instill fear of heaven into our children; if we shall, we will then merit nachas. One is not allowed to then question 'why by so and so did the children leave yiddishkeit rachmana litzlon, even though the parents did everything to instill in them fear of heaven?' In such situations one must not lesson his emunah- faith in the words of tzadikim.
At the last ladies gathering I told a story Maharosh would tell, how a woman came to the holy Steipler Goan z"l and cried bitterly over her children which had left yiddishkeit, and in general over the tzaar gidul banim she was going through. The Steipler Goan simply asked her: " Do you wash negel vasser every morning?" The woman became embarrassed and admitted 'no' she does not. The holy Steipler then asked her "so what do you want from me? if you don't wash negel vasser the tumuah from at night stays on your hands, and then whatever you touch becomes tumauh, resulting in the entire house being filled with tumuah rachmana litzlon. What can I do if you alone caused your suffering?" I told this story for it to be a chizuk to all the women they should be careful that their children prepare negel vasser before going to sleep, and not get out of bed without it. You write that after hearing this, you became extremely broken, and cried bitterly over your siblings; that your parents did everything in the world to have holy children, they washed negel vasser etc. and still several of them left yiddishkeit.
First of all, look at yourself. Why did your parents merit such a child like you? With such a strong emunah and tznius (modesty) etc. Secondly we cannot question hashems ways; we have to do what we have to, and Hashem will do what is good in his eyes. Thirdly I ask you: be strong with all your כוחות to continue raising your children with holiness and purity. Don't let the yetzer hora break you, he will do anything to be able to take you away from your family.
Today is the yartzeit of the holy R' Nosson z"l, he would say "when I have all the tricks and plans how to battle the yetzer hora, he then comes to me with a new tactic, one I didn't even think is possible". This is the yetzer hora's way to cause pain and suffering uniquely to everyone.
Prepare negel vasser with simcha each night for your children, be careful with all the halachos and minhagim, and through this you will merit to build a beautiful home.