בעזרת ה' יתברך- ערב שבת קודש פ' יתרו, י"ט שבט, שנת תשע"ט
I sent a letter to your husband and implored he abandon all arguments etc.; thus, I want to request from you: help him create peace, because he desires to spend time with you. It’s just a struggle for him to put away his pride and be the one to start. You be wise and give him a smile and positivity, and everything will change. True, he should be the one reconciling, but now isn’t the time to weigh who is right or wrong. Your duty now is to be smart, swallow, and make sure your home doesn’t collapse. Give him a smile and you will see it will change his mood; in return he will start talking to you in a pleasant manner.
How long does one live, that its worthwhile to squander away precious time with petty arguments? Chazal relate (Chulin 59): There is a species of insect called "בקא", these flies could only survive for one day. Instead of enjoying their extremely brief lifespan with each other, they spend their time arguing and accusing each other. The female says to the male "חזיתיה לבר מחוזא דסחא במיא וסליק ואיכרך בסדינין, ואותיבת עליה ומצת מיניה ולא הודעת לי", I saw you bite a person who was swimming in the sea, and you didn’t invite me to join the feast; now I won’t talk to you for the next seven years! They barely live for one day, yet they fight for seven years… Sadly, there are many people who behave in the same foolish manner. They think they are here forever, and don’t realize how short life actually is. You’ve spent enough years arguing, now start investing that energy in building your home; don’t seek to always be right, be the adult and the first to ask for forgiveness; start treating your husband nicely.
I beg you Mrs…; give your husband a smile, and speak to him pleasantly. Tell him “I love you so much,” you can be sure he will reciprocate with kind words. Life is like a mirror; when one smiles, the reflection flashes a smile back, but when one frowns, the reflection does the same. Be happy and a joyful atmosphere will permeate throughout your home; when the mother is happy everyone is happy. I know this is not an easy request, especially for a Yiddishe Mame who is preoccupied with so many different responsibilities, however, try with all the strength you possess, and beseech Hashem for his help; Say “Hashem help me be in a good mood, help me be happy and not depressed. I know everything is contingent in my behavior, and when I am miserable the whole house feels the effects. My husband and children suffer because of me; help me Hashem, I want to repent, I no longer want to be irritable and angry etc.”
While lighting the Shabbos candles, cover your eyes and beseech Hashem; pour your heart out to Him; every Tefilla you utter, whether for yourself, your husband or your children is very precious up in heaven.
I wish you a happy and pleasant Shabbos.